How does it feel?

As usual, I'm feeling subterranean. So, like I've done before, I went online to find "ways to feel better about your ______". This time, I entered: body.

Now, I got some pretty good, yet run of the mill advice. "Drink water, exercise, take alone time, accept your flaws". I've heard it all before. What I want to know is: how do you begin to love yourself and feel WORTHY if no one else sees you as such? What I mean is, how is a woman supposed to feel beautiful if she isn't being made to feel such? Call me crazy but I just don't believe in pulling confidence out of your ass. How the hell does it work? How can you be ignored, talked about, and just flat out told (or maybe hinted at) that you're not beautiful, worthy, wanted or accepted and FEEL and BELIEVE you are?

I can't do it. I can't just BE happy and BE confident with my BODY if every time I turn around people who look like me are being treated like shit while those who look the OPPOSITE of me are being exalted. Notice I said confidence within my body and looks. I am extremely confident in my intelligence because I have performed and been RECOGNIZED and PRAISED for my performance. Basically, I (and I would bet my life that A LOT of other people need) EXTERNAL gratification to feel like what they are doing or who they are is satisfactory.

Is this pathetic? Probably. All I know is how I feel about myself and how I am treated (or not treated) daily. I'm tired of just being here. I want to be someones ideal. I want to be someones kryptonite. I NEED to be wanted.