Josh.

For someone who has never been in a "real" relationship, I sure have a lot of problems with them.

I've been pinning away over Josh H. and what could've been. I tell myself: go over to Best Buy and start talking! Drop hints! Make him know you want him! Try it! Stop stalling!

But every time I get to Best Buy, I chicken out. When I would the store and convince myself that "it just isn't meant to be". I think that if it were, he would've made the move.

Why is it so difficult for me to just approach him? I think it's because I'm afraid that he'll reject me and be amused that I even thought he was interested. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for him (even though I know I'm a good person). I'm just scared of being hurt. Also, what if he's dating someone? What if I missed the boat and it's just too late?!

But what if I'm missing out on something great?! Ugh! I REALLY need to get it together. I'm never going to get what I want if I'm too afraid to go after it. I mean, what's stopping me? Fear of rejection? I know everyone gets shot down at sometime but, I never have and I just don't want to feel that pain.

I know I have a lot to offer people. When we would talk while we were working, it was great! I know we would have a lot of fun together, I'm just scared of the initiation.

Well, I hope that I can find my way out of this one. The suspense is killing me and I feel like the clock is ticking!